Alright I'll explain. So we call this morning for our update as we didn't make it in last night. Kenzi is still on 4ml's of formula every 2 hours, she GAINED WEIGHT (13g) to bring her to 763g (1.68lbs or 1lb 10.91oz for those of you that like numbers like me), that somewhere around 33 or 34 weeks they are going to try to bottle feed her if she'll let them and it goes well and a few dips in breathing again but she's self correcting and still on the caffeine instead of the CPAP and doing lovely. YAY for Kenzi, she's over 31weeks now, 31w2d to be exact so 33 weeks for bottle feeding isn't that far off.
So alright, the update is good, we are good, I'm good, everything is good.
Roger and I go for our visit and I figure we'd be there just a short period of time. We get there and she'd just finished eating, which she's now up to 5ml's every 2 hours and doesn't the nurse slide a chair on wheels over for us and say 'alright give me a few minutes and you guys can have some snuggle time'. I'm almost floored at this point. Why you ask? I'VE NEVER HELD HER BEFORE!!!!
Few minutes naturally feels like a million years and finally she pops a hat on her head, wraps her up and hands her to me. Is it appropriate to say I almost died right there in that hospital? I couldn't believe just how freakin' small she actually is PLUS how much, despite being 763g, heavier she felt than I figured she would. For something so small her weight seems so good. I held her for almost half and hour and the whole time she squawked like 2 times for a second otherwise she just opened her eyes and looked around (although how much she can actually see at this point I've no idea) and then spent the rest of the time sleeping peacefully in my arms. Have I said how small she was? Seriously in the incubator she seemed small and fragile but once out she just disappeared into my arms...ok so maybe that had to do with me basically giving off the vibe that if anyone tried to touch me or the baby and put her back I'd have to lay the smackdown. Roger videotaped a bunch for me and then it was time for her to go back to her bator. She went in without complaints, they took her hat and blanket off and she just sort of chilled out.
I asked what sort of stuff was going on for her that evening etc and the nurse said that Kenzi's sodium levels were a little low so she was getting supplementation for that but otherwise everything else looked good. They were going to check her electrolytes to make sure she wasn't expelling too much at a time through her urine (which might I throw in that they had her in a full hospital sized preemie diaper and it almost came to her armpits. I asked why and she said cause Kenzi likes to soak through her diapers...lol ummm oops?).
All in all another good day down at the NICU...just keep on praying that there are plenty more where those came from!
Alright so today Kenzi is 6 days old!!! I can't believe almost a week has gone by already, but not for lack of lots of exciting events. During the course of this week Maddisyn (the 18 month old) has decided that she no longer wants to sleep in a crib, and that's just how it is...sooo off to Leon's on Boxing Day to buy a bed for her and make the transition out of the crib and into her new 'big girl' bed. How all that pans out to follow in the next few days...
So Miss Kenzi apparently is the night owl of the pod. I love it. Why? Because nothing is new. She was quite the rocker all night long before 6 days ago and spent the days sleeping and she seems to be doing the same thing over at the NICU.
We took Jordan to see Kenzi on Thursday night and it was great. He asked daddy a bunch of questions and then while Roger was taking a video while they were prepping Kenzi for bath time, Jordan kept saying 'its ok Kenzi, you are alright Kenzi' while she was screaming as they bathed her. Absolutely one of the most adorable top 10 things of this year for sure.
Then on the way home my sister Teri asked me how much Kenzi weighed at birth. As I proceeded to tell her '855 grams' Jordan pipes up from the back 'Kenzi is going to be alright' and Teri replies 'I know, I was just asking mommy a question' and in return he says 'Kenzi is FINE!'. It was at that point that I realised the staples needed to come out of my stomach at that point as not the most pleasent experience laughing while in pain and trying not to cough all the while having 13 staples tug. Yum I know.
Yesterday (Friday) we had so much to do we didn't get a chance to drop by the hospital. I of course feel like a completely useless mother and don't do so well on not going by or at least having Roger stop by so needless to say I had a very moody evening. Of course we call to get an update either way, even when we are going, however on Thursday the hospital called us!
So panicing I yell at Roger to get inside and call the hospital. He talks to them (this is Thursday early afternoon) and I'm watching him be all CALM (something I'm not good at) and he thanks the nurse and gets off the phone. What had happened was as I said before Kenzi only has 3 tubes running from her body. 1 is the feeding tube that's in her nose and the other 2 are her IV in her belly button and another line that runs from her belly button for blood work etc. Well they had said they were most likely removing the blood work line as it wasn't needed and they want as little running to her body as possible to cancel out any infections etc and since most blood work was done, that any further could just be taken from her foot. Well, while removing this blood work tubing they 'nicked' something. Of course I'm panicing thinking 'THEY NICKED MY DAUGHTER' and in turn she lost 9cc's of blood. At this point I'm stressing out and wondering what is going to happen. Roger continues to stay calm and tells me then that Kenzi is now eating 2ml's of formula every 2 hours instead of 1. YAY KENZI. He tells me she's dropped in weight again though. What?! That is pretty much what came out of my mouth. She loses 9cc's of blood cause they cut her and now she's losing weight?! I'm pretty much unstable at this point and Roger is reassuring me we are going to see her and taking Jordan and it's fine.
Fast forward to the hospital and we come to find out that yes she lost 9cc's of blood but it was the LINE that got nicked, not her. Ok so I'm relieved a bit as no one messed with my baby girl but still pissed that 9cc's of blood is gone. They assured me that her hemoblogin levels etc would be checked that night at 9pm and they'd figure out if she needed more blood or if she'd be ok etc. We do the visit, drive home, answer all Jordan's questions and go to bed.
So moving on, it's Friday, the day we didn't go, and as per usual we called for our daily dose from the NICU. Kenzi is now eating 3ml's of formula every 2 hours and handling it very well. She's had a few dips in her breathing but she's continuing to correct the little dips herself without having to have the nurse get involved to get her to remember to breathe. Nothing really much to tell in regards to what else is going on as it was a pretty quiet day with her. All I'm thinking is --wow you guys have no idea what you are in for-- kinda thing.
Now then, today is Saturday. Called for a Kenzi update and we are told she's dropped down to 750g from 760g yesterday yet again. I'm wondering what is going on but the nurses tell Roger 'tell mom everything is fine, she's eating, everything is good, it's most likely excess fluid. in the next couple days you'll start to see your increase'. Ok so am I happy? Not not really. I just want to hear the weight go up. Is it wrong that that in particular is a reassurance factor for me? Do I know anything about babies with IUGR in a NICU? Nope, but I'm learning. Good news today again is although she is still having the occasional dip in the heart monitor she still continues to correct it herself without aide, however they are close by to make sure regardless. Other good news is feeding wise she's up to 4ml's of formula every 2 hours and they are hoping it continues to hold out. They increase her ml's by 1 every 24 hours so tomorrow she should be on 5ml's every 2 hours.
So that is that. Another update for everyone. I'm hoping we are still going by the hospital tonight but if I don't make it in then absolutely NOTHING is getting in my way of going tomorrow. Our monkey is going to be 1 week old tomorrow...it's crazy but I LOVE it and it's 1 week closer to coming home.
Miss Kenzi has had NO breathing issues today at all. There was a possibility that she may of needed to go back to the CPAP machine but since today there has been no cause for concern she hasn't needed the CPAP and they've just done the caffeine again and all is well. YAY KENZI!!!
On the off note, they don't want her losing any more weight. She has dropped down from 855g at birth to 755g now. Yes it's expected that all babies, preemie or not, lose abotu 10% of their weight in the first week but they are hoping that Kenzi won't exceed that. Good news on that front however is that yesterday she was getting 1ml of formula every 4 hours as that was all that her little tummy could take, but today she is on 1ml of formula every 2 hours and seems to be handling it well so it's a good thing as hopefully that'll help keep the weight climbing back up or at least steady for a few days before going on the up and up.
She isn't on double phototherapy sessions anymore (for jaundice), just single, so one of her lights is out now which as far as I can tell is a good thing. One less thing that she has to endure but who knows as she'll probably have to go back on it again at some point. She is by no means out of the woods yet, just definitely making progress which is what we all want.
Her belly also has come down a bit which is good as it was on the larger side due to the stress while in the womb which is I guess helping in regards to allowing her to keep down more food.
Tomorrow we are going to visit and taking Jordan for the first time. He seen her pics today on the camera and cried because he didn't like that she was crying and asked what the tubes were etc and then when he asked to go see her daddy said 'not tonight' and he lost it and said he wanted to go. It was so emotional to see him like that but I can see he's trying to understand and hopefully tomorrow he'll start to learn a little bit at a time.
On a mom note, I thought I was going to be spared with the milk supply coming in...yup spoke to soon cause the pissin' stuff has decided it's time...I was hoping to avoid it...looks like my incision won't be the only thing painful for the next 2 weeks...grrrr!!
So I went from being 30w2d pregnant to having my baby girl 10 weeks early, thus bringing her into the world on December 23rd. I figured I'll be updating everyone pretty much daily on the early bird girlie to not only keep my sanity but to keep an online journal of sorts for later.
It's now Dec 25th (Merry Christmas everyone) and with that is her day 2 update...
Alright so Roger went in and was able to hold her for about 15 minutes. He was in gown etc. I didn't go as today despite tylenol 3's etc I was just in too much discomfort. I'm going tomorrow and the next day for sure though. So for the whole of today the rundown is that she is on double phototherapy for jaundice (which looking at her you can't tell she has it or anything as she's just bright red most of the time), she had her feeding tube removed from her throat and it's now up her nose instead as it was causing her to gag a lot with it being in the mouth.
She LOVES her soother, which is odd cause not only is it the ugliest thing I've ever seen but Roger took video of her actually USING the soother and it's cute even though everything to her looks enormous.
She was given 5ml of caffeine this morning instead of being put back on the CPAP machine as babies born early due to IUGR tend to have apnea and bradycardia which is basically where she forgets to breath for more than 15 seconds. So instead of automatically going to the CPAP assistant they tried the caffeine instead (which they gave her at like 11.30 this morning) and she did fine with no incidents of stopping breathing until Roger was there so they are going to do another dose of caffeine again and if that doesn't change it then they will put her back on the CPAP for a bit. However she did go about 8 hours without having an episode so they are pretty sure that the caffeine in itself will be fine. She was crying while Roger was handling her (apparently she is quite a fiesty bugger when anyone touches her) and they figured the only reason the breathing issue came up was she ran outta oxygen while bawling as with her lungs being so tiny and not 100% matured it's a lot easier to kind of 'use up' what is there.
And the last thing was that they will probably be removing one tube from her belly button tonight or tomorrow and that'll leave her with just her other tube in her belly button (her I.V) and her feeding tube in her nose.
I will say today was the first day that I bawled like a moron too. I didn't get to go see her today which already had me feeling like a bag of crap but once I seen newer photos and Roger holding her and her out of the incubater light etc it just freaked me out and stuff and I just felt really really bad and guilty and a whole lot of everything.
And of course I'll update everyone tomorrow (and every other time I get an update) as well!
So you see, another title couldn't possibly fit the bill...it just wouldn't be ME. Of course all the good completely surpasses the above but to say confessions of a 'confused' mum just wouldn't do the justice by any means.