A recap...

Well...I went to #SCCTO. I went, I listened, I tweeted my shit off, collected some swag, drank a bit - GO MOLSON, talked a lot (sorry about that), ate a few things and honestly learned quite a bit despite the fact that the core of information I had wanted to absorb was for the following day, today, the day I did not get to attend.

So yesterday we arrived fashionably late, by we I am referring to @hippofatamus, @rlr2 and I. Apparently perfection takes time, and both this ladies were a spit of perfection thanks to the amazingly talented hands of @salonmonzer (and a seriously sweet piece of eye candy @MiiKeyStyles).

Before I begin to tell you about the conference itself, can I first just say ummm holy hell is the Sheraton in Toronto a piece of phenom? That place is palace worthy and gorgeous from top to bottom, the customer service was snaptastic and the interior was just stunning in itself. It's not that I've never seen the inside of a hotel before, just all my experiences were for the most part in sketchy dives. Damn that call girl job in the late 90's.

JOKE people...

Anyhow we check their bags, check ourselves and off we go to the basement...err lower levels. Upon entering we see a bunch of women still peeking around at the brand booths however being that no one had eaten yet, the first place we went was for the popcorn. Shortly after having a pop-gasm we made our way to the main conference room...and kind of paused. EVERYONE was basically in the room already and us being fashionably late walk semi-stunned (alright, *I* did) across the back looking for enough seats for 3.

This is where it is interesting for me. Why? Because I've been to a number of conferences before, not the previous ShesConnected one, but whether they be for marketing etc, but I have never seen empty seats at the BACK of a room. Usually you show up late and you end up being the ass that has to strut across the front of the room to the only empty seats left. Social media works in mysterious ways ladies.

So we get through Sheryl Connelly's presentation from @FordCanada and again, it's a beautiful thing when you are in a room full of 200+ people and everyone is digitally interacting with some tool (no people, I'm not referring to men) and 'listening' to the speaker as opposed to watching as we are all vigorously tapping away at keyboards, phones, tablets and some note pad writing as well and you don't get it shit.

We end the presentation and off to the main hall again where we were supposed to interact with the Ford demonstrations etc and 80% just went straight to the brands right again. It was Swag-Whores heaven, I won't lie. We finish with Ford, back to the room for a wrap up and then it was cocktail hours and networking.

Networking wasssss interesting for me. Again I know you are dying to know why and I will tell you.

1. Our name tags rested at boob level so every single time you tried to glance at someones name tag to see who you were talking to, or trying to recognize, you felt like a pervert trying to pick up and bring back to your room for the night. Won't lie, there were a few nice racks -- #JUSTSAYIN

2. A lot of people were totally familiar to me, but showed zero signs of interest in wanting to talk. Now, this could be for a few reasons itself. They had no idea who I was and physically didn't ring a bell, they couldn't read my name as they were trying to avoid staring at my tits, or they in fact ended up being everything they are NOT online in twitter/blog-land.

Let me clarify as this may seem familiar to you. You spend a ton of time on twitter talking to them, they DM you all the time, you laugh and giggle about things but oddly only in DM for the most part. You see them at ShesConnected and guess what? You can clearly see that they absolutely KNOW who you are, but pretend that you've never had those conversations via DM because of the other people in their entourage with them. AHEM...

WHAT.
THE.
FUCK?

Do me a favour and don't even bother to DM anymore. Seriously? That shit still happens? If you can't be YOU in real-life, don't be at all!

3. I didn't get a chance to connect with as many as I had hoped, sorry about that ladies -- I will say that I was a tad overwhelmed. For some it was a genuine breath of fresh air, and for others it was...a slice...I guess. I know I can be a little too much to handle because of my very direct forward mouthy opinionated self, but I am me, 110%. I don't ask that you like/love it, but I do ask that you respect that. I'm ok with being in a very small minority of 'real', but I openly welcome anyone to chat etc.

4. It's amazing how much you learn from just watching and listening.

5. Being the 'newb' has it's pros and it's cons in almost ALL situations.

6. @nicnacmaniac and @JustNikiV are TFF. I am SO happy that I met both of them and we laughed our sweet asses off for awhile. Blueberries anyone?

7. @80sgirlforever (Deb) ROCKS!

Once networking finished up we had an hour to kill before heading to the after party held at Town Shoes. Coleen (@hippofatamus) and Robin (@rlr2) were fabulous enough to let me stash my goods in their room during cocktail hour so they changed, I grabbed my stuff, we went to the steakhouse in the hotel and they ate. The 3 of us still sat with our phones and tablet tweeting and checking out what was going on while we waited on their food and off we went to Town Shoes.

I met up with @nicnacmaniac again once inside Town Shoes and we chatted for a bit in line, I met a few others who were on the look out for me, and unfortunately I had to leave (thanks @UFCBaller for coming to get me, you are loved, unconditionally!!!!) with hopes of making some arrangement to get back for day 2.

I failed! :(

Besides being completely pissed bummed that I didn't get to go back and reconnect with the brands, the bloggers and the panel of advisors and such, I tried (and failed) to keep up with the stream of #SCCTO tweets throughout the day today. I received tidbits throughout the day but honestly, it felt like a giant clusterfuck as I scrambled to make sense of the stream itself on twitter.

Thanks to my homegirls, I hope to have some much fantastic notes from Day 2 to get me through the post conference blues. There is a LOT to learn. Not only from twitterific women, or brands who are digitally 'connected', but from fellow bloggers in the grand scheme of things. As far as I'm concerned Jodi is right, everyone can learn something from someone else, no matter how big or small you are in the digital world -- everyone has a voice.

What the F was I thinking...

If anyone is a robot parent of 3 kids under the age of 7, first off let me say aren't you a brave one, second, shut up, I know I'm a walking talking bitching contradiction, and third ... what the f-bomb are we thinking when we decide to take child #2, DD M, to gymnastics and bring child #3 along for the lesson???

Let me explain. Child #1, DS J is fantastic for the most part. He's laid back, he's 7, and he understands the concept of 'glue your ass to the bench and don't move...please'. That said, I never had to say that to him. He sat down, another cute little guy came over with a tablet (little bastard bugger, I don't even own one) and begins a debate with J over who would win the war if zombies attacked us. Umm, duh, vampires would -- some kids are SO uncool!

Pan camera to the right and you'll find DD K sitting with her legs cocked in the air and wide open while wearing a skirt and gotchies. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention a few things.

1. It's a huge glass window that looks down into the gym where 50-60 kids, women and men are enjoying their lessons in gymnastics and coaching etc.

2. There are 4 rows of benches/plush couches (I shit you not)/bleacher type seating directly behind that are filled side to side, up and down.

3. K modified her outfit between getting home from picking up M and J and leaving the house to which I didn't notice (yes, I'm classy like this) that she had removed the tights from under the skirt, thus leaving only her underwear.

Now...if any of you know me well enough, you will know that I am not a girly-girl. I don't do make-up, pigtails, skirts or dresses (without wearing a pair of shorts underneath). I would much rather flaunt my hot ass around wearing pj pants 24/7 - HOLLA. Knowing this, and knowing that every child will carry a little piece of dad AND mom in them, (I can see you all know where this is going) sitting "proper" and with your legs closed is a very VERY difficult thing to do...if you are me. True story.

So there she is with her gotch hanging out. I, trying to save her some dignity -- ok, MY dignity, reach over and push her legs down, smile and tell her to cut it out her gotch are hanging out and to keep her legs down.

WRONG THING TO DO

That was like free game to do it again, and again, and again....annnnnnnd again. I kept telling her to keep her legs down and closed. While I did this she naturally had a BF (bitch flip) and was yelling at me to leave her alone and she has to go pee and then pee again and why does that girl have a toy and she isn't giving it to me and what's your name and why are you here and how come she won't let me take the toy now and momma I gotta pee again and catch me I'm going to jump...

...I missed.

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (insert rolling on the floor, legs wide open, screaming like someone just took the last rolo and you hate your mother).

So only 2 minutes have passed since we got there, only 58 more to go! *gasp gasp*

Kidding, that was the first 35 maybe.

The remaining 25 minutes were with us arguing about why I wanted her to just sit still on my lap. YA RIGHT. Holding her legs closed. YA RIGHT. Telling her we weren't going to bathroom for the 8th time for her to pretend she had to pee. YA FUCKING RIGHT.

By the time I managed to yank her off the railing to go downstairs to the changerooms to pick up her sister, she was freaking out AGAIN, and did so right up until we got outside.

Think everything from here on in went smooth? *pig snort* Ahhhh no. Now she wants to walk the curb like a balance beam and trip, wipes out, screams bloody murder that she's dying cause she has not scrapped her knee.

After swinging open the door and THROWING MY CHILD INTO THE CAR, I drove and hit EVERY single red light home.

We are home now. Clearly. But I swear to god I will velcro her to a wall and let Jesus babysit her next time so that I can get #2 to gymnastics again before I willingly opt out of paying a sitter so I can take M and let her siblings see what she does.

PS. To those of you bitches that were sitting there thinking how horrible a parent I am because you are in some completely delusional world where your 3 year old acts like she's 25 and is so well behaved while you are out, cut your shit and stop lying...or at least stop drugging them! ;)

Wholesale Plus-Size Halloween Costume Review

"Trick-or-treat, smell my feet...no really, smell my feet!" (Oh to be 7 again!)

How many of you have everybody's costume signed, sealed and delivered? *watches the tumbleweeds go by*. That's what I though. As in my case, not one single day goes by without one of my 3 children screaming "Go buy my costume NOW!". This is followed up with much shmoozing on my part to convince them why we are waiting. So far my response of "But you could grow like, 10 feet in the next 4 weeks!" seems to be working...for now.

Well "ding dong" goes the doorbell today and now I will have to come up with yet another excuse. Why? My women's sexy kitty costume has arrived from the wholesalecostumeclub.com.

Now, when I knew I was going to be doing a costume review, I spent some time with each of the kids to see if we could find one that was suitable for them this year. Not only are there TONS to choose from, but I was not even looking for me, as I have had little luck with plus size costumes in the past, so we were trying to narrow down one for one of the kids...BUT

...after some deliberation with my husband we decided to take a chance and find something for me this time and so the search began for something for me, that I would wear. We looked through all the costumes and tossed a few back and forth but in the end, we settled on the sexy kitty!

I ordered a Plus Size Womens Sexy Kitty Costume in a 2x (what can I say, I am a fluffy little kitty), and although I was a little worried about how the 'true' fit would be, once I jumped in this costume the minute it arrived, I am impressed with the fit. I love the flattering effect the costume has and with me being a small 5'1" with some extra love, this costume is going to be off the hook! WIth a price tag of about $30 it won't break the budget but was a complete costume that included the dress, the forearm sleeves, the choker, the ear and the tail, which if you compare anywhere else is an absolute steal.

With lots of sexy Halloween costumes to choose from, the options are great. If great prices, great customer service and great quality is what you are looking for, then head over to the wholesale costume club because I'm sure you'll find what you are looking for!

Have a purrrrrr-ific Hallowe'en!

Disclosure: I received the above product for review purposes free of charge. All opinions expressed are honest and my own, NOT influenced in any way.

I'm fat!

NOT that I just woke up to this realization this morning, I wake up to this nightmare every single day, but now at 4pm in the afternoon on this lovely Thursday it's just hit me yet again for the millionth time!

"Get up off your fat ass and do something about it then" right? I know that is what most people are thinking if they've even bothered to read yet another fat post. My answer? Kiss my ass! I know. I know I need to get up and do something about it. I need to stop making excuses for every single reason why I can't do it. But come on, you have to admit that some are these are totally valid and make perfect sense - can ya pass the cheesecake please?

1. No Motivation: Despite me telling myself that my children should be answer to all my problems, the bottom line is simple. Children canNOT be the reason you get healthy. Yes they can have some impact but if you aren't losing your weight for you, how the hell are you supposed to lose it for someone else?!?!

2. No Money: I stand behind this. It's expensive and time consuming to try to organize a entirely 'clean' eating menu followed by going to a gym (I say gym because working out at home in the livingroom to dvd's with 3 kids under 7 is so far from workout bliss), and having a husband who could get on a scale that screams 200 but he's 6'1", had a completely physical job that has him working from as little as 5 hours a day to 20...yes, I said 20! This man can eat breath and sleeps junk and yet (and this pisses me off), can go get physicals and scans and bloodwork etc done on a regular basis and have it come back STELLAR!!!!!!

I on the other hand need to bust my ass for almost a year just to lose 25lbs. This wouldn't be so bad if all I needed to lose was 25lbs, but when you need to lose at MINIMUM 60lbs, 25lbs should not take you 12 months. When hubs is working a lot, and I am left home to be the single parent child minder focusing on getting them up for school (the 2 of 3 that go daily), lunches done, in the car and to school on time, get laundry for 5 going, take care of all the other errands that need to be done while I am down 2 kids, get them to their extracurricular activities during the day if they aren't in school, get them from school, get them to the activities etc that are after school, get them home, make dinner, get them fed, get homework done, get showers/baths done, remember that you put a load in the washer and now you gotta get it in the dryer or rewash cause it has sat all flippin day, and then get reading in before bed, get them into bed, find my half drank coffee somewhere under something someplace and then sit down long enough to breathe only to THEN realize you haven't eaten yourself, or you forgot something at the grocery store, or you are trying to play the perfect mom to other parents and have booked yourself to be involved in something you didn't really want to get involved with, to then remembering that shit, you haven't showered in 3 days to finally passing out dressed in stained clothing on the bed because you didn't even think about working out at 10pm is HARD ok!?!?

It also costs a goddamn small mortgage to obtain a personal trainer long enough to kick your ass into gear and get your going (this is of course providing you find the money to get the gym membership AND find one that will take your kid(s) for free during the time you are at the gym to workout) and get you pumped up. They offer up meal suggestions etc and then you come out with how it's hard enough trying to feed 4 other people in your family who have very picky palates, that trying to convince them that tuna on red peppers for dinner is going to be the most scrumptuous thing they have ever tasted just does not happen in this house.

3. No Time: I know everyone can make time, but have you ever just made some time for yourself and if sleeping wasn't the first thing on your mind, the next was QUIET reading, or locking yourself in your bedroom to find some peace and quiet while you try to go through all your work from home related emails etc. I am really thinking that the only time I'm going to actually GET the time for myself is in 2 years when all my kids are in school full time every day. So what? For the next 2 years I stay fat?!

I will vent some more and say this though. I'm tired of all this American companies offering up all these contests and crap to US residents only. Where the F are all the Canadian ones looking for pet projects? I want someone to pick ME for a completely FREE makeover fitness contest and offer to make it all about me for a change.

I love my kids more than life itself, but I also want to be selfish for once and stop being so goddamn miserable all the time. I'm miserable about my body and my self esteem. I am sickened (and have actually thrown up looking at myself in the mirror because I was so ashamed and disgusted with myself) by my appearance and my kids are going to end up with complexes about their own image if I can't kick this.

*SIGH*

Conclusion? I've no idea. I have ZERO ideas about how I can help me help me. If I am destined to be clinically obese for the rest of my life then I wish someone who just tell me and someone convince me to move on with my life and be happy about the way that I look. I mean, who doesn't LOVE shopping in the PLUS size only section and having to bypass every single other store that doesn't carry anything over a size 10. *Yes, that was sarcasm*

I'm out...time to run a kid to another activity and convince the other 2 they want to come too! :)

Introducing PunchDrunkMum Media!

So this chick walks into a bar right...

Ok for reals, I basically have SO much going on in my head at any given moment that it only makes perfect sense to create a CENTRAL umbrella with which to hold all this stuff in and use my mad branching skills to separate or "divide and conquer" it all. So with that in mind, I give you PunchDrunkMum Media. I'm just so damn proud of me.

The last 2 weeks I've been busy (who hasn't right?) trying to organize a little bit of my ridiculously chaotic life. I haven't had much time to focus on any one thing in particular so I have a few things to cover, and they WILL get covered, but you will have to wait a few because my dad, bless his old fart ass, came in and has distracted me in the middle of this update...

To be continued...

I'm running for Boobies!

I'm sure everyone and their mother have either heard about, known someone with, been diagnosed, or survived Breast Cancer. I myself have had my aunt Val diagnosed and survive it, known someone who had it (and unfortunately lost their battle with), and almost on a daily basis hear of someone who is currently fighting the fight and they are such AMAZING and STRONG women. I can not even imagine what this is like, nor will I ever pretend to.

What I WILL do though is fight. I will fight, walk, run, skip, jump, laugh, cry, dance, swim (not a pretty sight but I'd do it, don't dare me to!!!), fundraise and love with everything I have in order to push research in a positive direction and prevent my lovely little girls from ever having to go through it.

This October 2nd, I have the privilege of making a contribution on foot for the CBCF Run for the Cure taking place all over but specifically in Toronto. I am registered as a part of a National Team of fantastic women (I think we are almost 30 strong in our chapter alone) made up of over 80 team members and we still continue to grow as we get closer to race day.

As part of my participation I have set a goal to raise $300. I am looking for individuals from EVERYWHERE to sponsor me and help me to reach and exceed my goal. Every single bit counts and is appreciated. Whether it's $5 or $500, you ARE making a difference.

Save someone's boobies TODAY...one day it could be YOURS that need saving.

Thanks again for reading and supporting. Be sure to drop me a line on twitter and let me know when you do so I can personally thank you! :)

My Personal Donation Page!!!!

So, #SCCTO hmm? WTF is that?

That was the overall QOTD a few short days ago. I was hoping and praying (yup, even an athiest) that someone was going to read my entry and say YES...YES this obnoxious ass needs to attend and pull me out of the mix a winner.

A winner to what exactly? Well, unless your head has been up your a...errrr in the clouds, you would know that Sept 29-30th marks the 2nd ShesConnected Conference! (Squeeeee) It really is all about who you know, who you bribe, and how horribly pathetic you will make yourself look in order to score a ticket to this INVITE ONLY conference (I pray those photos never make it on to facebook O.o). Yes I just went there. I just put INVITE ONLY in all caps. Why? Because this is something that makes me feel like I'm cool. Like I absolutely beyond a doubt, am "Connected". Digitally. Personally. Socially. *Cue the music*

So yes, Thursday the 8th was the day. Jen Banks of @ABusyMommy did just that (bless your busy twitter soul). She pulled my entry and proclaimed me a winner of one golden ticket!!! I will ride, I will attend, I will party my shake shake off post lecture and make this a ridiculously fantastic experience. I will do exactly what my son's Taekwondo Master has been drilling into his students' heads for the last year. I will "Look. Listen. Learn...Sir". Not only is Ford Motor Company of Canada sponsoring the event (and providing us all with seriously snazzy twitter name branded t-shirts to wear), but there are an amazing amount of other sponsors, speakers and advisors on board which is going to clearly guarantee a phenomenal conference.

Good people. Good networking.. Good energy...

Equals Good Times.

I'm kinda excited...are you?